I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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