I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Someone signed my nipple.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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