He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
