i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
