I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
