I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize