Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
