capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
