:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize