I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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