i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
