Just fell off a train. Bad.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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