Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
