can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
