I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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