My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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