i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize