we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
