And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
