I think I died a long time ago.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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