does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
