My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
