I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
