If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
