My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
