Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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