Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
