I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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