i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
