Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
