I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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