I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
