I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
