I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
