his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize