Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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