just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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