He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
