you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
