I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Green mimosas i think yes
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
