Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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