porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize