so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
