Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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