did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
