There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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