I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
