I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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