Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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