Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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