Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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