If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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