I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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