I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
