the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
