Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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