Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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