i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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