I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm so fucking centered right now
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
