Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
