I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wow bdsm is so cute
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
