Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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